You are a father

As a father or father figure, you have the ability to positively influence your son. Promoting gender equality and teaching the boys in your life about healthy equal relationships helps you do your part in creating healthy families and strengthening family bonds.

Tips

Be a caring father and an exemplary role model. Here's how:

Educate your son about healthy equal relationships.

Your son’s well-being includes the ability to develop healthy relationships with women and other men.  As such, sharing your values regarding gender equality is just as important as sharing with him the tools to achieve success in life and teaching him about safety, hard work, independence, and respect towards others.

Develop a healthy work-life balance.

Our professional responsibilities and workload may reduce the time we have available to spend with our children and loved ones.  Review your work hours, vacation time, and think critically about whether you need to dedicate more time to family life. Make time to bring up the subject of healthy relationships and gender equality at dinner time or whenever opportunities present themselves.  Practice communication skills early and often in order to build a strong foundation to help you to discuss healthy relationships later on. 

Accept your role as a man in promoting gender equality.

Recognize that you have a role to play in educating your son about gender equality and healthy relationships.  These are not only “women’s issues” but issues that affect us all, including men and boys.  The vast majority of violence against women and men is committed by men, therefore it is important for you to educate your son about this issue and model positive and healthy examples of male behaviour. 

Listen to women... learn from women.

Learn about violence and gender inequality by asking a woman who trusts you how violence has affected her life.  Then, if she feels comfortable to talk, sit back and listen.  Turn to your local women’s organizations.  They have a wealth of accumulated experience and knowledge.  Talk to them.  Read their publications.  Contribute financially.  Learn from them.

Challenge sexism, homophobia, and degrading language.

Your son is exposed on a daily basis to many examples of sexist behaviour, homophobia, and objectification of women.  Culture is a powerful tool in reinforcing gender stereotypes both for women and men.  Recognize the impact of the media, video games, and popular culture on your son and as such share a new healthier view of masculinity, one that models respect and equality towards women, girls, and other men.  Not speaking up contributes to the silence around these issues, and helps to normalize gender inequality and homophobia.

Be a good role model.

Your language, behaviour, and interactions with the women and men in your life will have a significant impact on your son’s values and attitudes towards women and girls.  Sharing equally in family responsibilities and chores at home with your spouse, being open about your feelings with the women in your life, or publicly questioning negative depictions of women, are ways to demonstrate to them that you value women as equals and believe in healthy relationships.  Conversely, laughing at sexist jokes, sharing magazines that objectify women, or remaining silent about violence or injustices against women are behaviours and values that may well end up being adopted by your son.

Share your own learning moments.

Share with your son remarkable moments or stories in your life about examples of positive learning.  Share a story about a lesson you learned from your parents or family members about healthy relationships; talk about your early interest or empathy towards equality between men and women; or the lessons you learned from a mistake you made.  These are stories you can easily share at bed time, at the dinner table, or while driving to an extra-curricular activity.

Speak of the men and women that made a difference in your life.

Just like you have the capacity to be a positive role model in your son’s life, you can probably identify men and women that had an impact on your values regarding equality between men and women.   Share what these people represent to you, the reasons why they are important, and the values that you admire in them.   You can make a difference by generating further discussion about the benefits and qualities of healthy masculinities.  Point out to your son that they too have the potential to be good role models for others.

Speak out about violence against women and other injustices.

A father who denounces a violent act or sexist comment witnessed by his son can share with him the confidence, language, and skills for him to be able to do the same later on.  Share your thoughts and feelings regarding what happened and talk about how that action was unhealthy or demeaning to women.  On the other hand, remaining silent, or making excuses, helps to normalize sexist behaviour and violence against women.

Share equally in family responsibilties.

Model equality and healthy relationships by doing your share of house work and child care.   Send a powerful message to your sons and daughters by partaking equally in family responsibilities – cooking, cleaning, decision-making, child care, etc – that men have an important role to play in family life, family responsibilities are important, and women should expect respectful and equal treatment at home and in society in general.

Align yourself with allies.

Involve your extended family in positive discussions about healthy and equal relationships and show your son that gender equality is a universally shared value in your family and circle of friends.  Your male family members and friends can help reinforce messages of positive masculinity and act as inspiring role models.  Speak with them ahead of time to help you maximize dialogue with your son.

You may not have all the answers.

It’s okay to acknowledge that you don’t know all the answers, that you are not an expert in this topic, and freely admit when you make a mistake.  Let your son know that you will look for the right information, and will get back to him later on.   Check the links and resources sections of our campaign for additional information, or talk with others.  Acknowledging your feelings and weaknesses is a way to demonstrate how to act constructively in building healthy and equal relationships, and it will reduce the pressure on your son to be “perfect” all the time.

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